It seems sensible to feel uncertain or even nervous at the beginning of a new connection. Maybe we’ve been in a number of promising relationships that eventually ended, or maybe our ex-partners blamed our shortcomings for the split. We may have insecurity over our inherent worth and lovability due to our prior experiences (or even due to a lack of experience).
More significantly, our fears could be influenced by the things we went through as children and not much by the partner we are presently seeing. Insecurities might come from a deep, probably wounded place inside and require our caring care. And unless we figure out how to give ourselves a solid foundation, our fears will damage whatever connections we try to build with other people.
Take help from a mental health expert or an Online Counselor who will guide you in understanding issues in your relationship and help to with effective measures to cope with anxiety or fear that you feel in your relationship.
These elements might have an impact on your sense of security:
- The inability of your caregiver or your parent to parent you effectively.
- Experience of your caregiver/parent with depression, loneliness, or other psychological and emotional issues.
- Inconsistent love and support of your caregiver/parent.
- Drug or alcohol misuse of your primary caregiver/parent.
- Your severe early-life experiences, such as being abused physically or sexually.
- The early demise of any of your parents.
Individuals are more likely to take a greater interest in their connection when they are insecure and don’t feel good about themselves. Their partner feels the tension as a result. Uneven balance can lead to conflict when one spouse starts contributing more than the other.
If we don’t address our concerns, they can lead to feelings of abandonment and inadequacy, which can be draining for both parties in a relationship. No matter how encouraging and comforting our relationships are, they cannot change how we truly feel about ourselves. As a consequence, they’ll probably get upset that they can’t do anything to assist us to feel better, which will put a lot of strain on the relationship.
How insecurity affects relationships?
- Being insecure prevents you from having complete trust
A person who checks their partner’s phone even if they don’t have any good cause to doubt them or believe they have anything to conceal. And still, they do. Going through your partner’s phone is an unhealthy activity that just makes them seem bad.
Their insecurity is the main cause of this. People who are insecure about who they are frequently finding reasons to be insecure in their relationships. Something more ingrained in them prevents them from fully trusting their companion. Perhaps they have been the victim of infidelity in the past, which makes them doubt the partner they are presently seeing.
They are concerned that their lover would mistreat them like the one who injured them previously. This worry stems from insecurity. Punishing one present spouse for the transgressions of another is unjust.
- Causes resentment and suspicion
According to relationship experts, feeling insecure might make you believe that there are issues when there actually aren’t any, leading you to believe that your spouse is cheating, concealing something, or intending to leave you. In truth, your partner frequently doesn’t act in a way that would support the allegations.
Recognize the difference between fact and fiction and accept that many of your concerns won’t come true. Experts advise drawing clear boundaries, demanding that your partner value you and your feelings, and insisting that unpleasant behaviors end since mistrust might occasionally be legitimate if you pick unreliable companions. If your sentiments are unwarranted, it will be helpful to concentrate on the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Make you needy and possessiveness
You can feel the desire to leave your relationship because they are too needy and clinging. Your spouse needs the freedom to be and act independently, which he cannot have if you insist that you always be aware of his whereabouts and activities.
According to experts, this might happen because you want to be in charge of every facet of the relationship. Instead of attempting to control every aspect of your life and your relationship, he advises you to find peace with their volatility. To channel your energy into something useful, acquire a hobby or other interesting activity.
- Makes You Look For Frequent Validation
The more dependent you are on your spouse, the worse you feel about yourself. Your conduct alters, and you stop allowing people to openly compliment you or show you affection. You start to want reassurance that they still like you, care about you, and are attracted to you.
Your attention-seeking inquiries and actions may first be adorable or endearing, but they quickly get grating and obnoxious. You eventually start to see the reverse of what you were hoping for.
How to manage your insecurities?
Not being happy with oneself leads to the desire for frequent reinforcement. To end the needy behavior, you must understand why you require your spouse to affirm their love for you or tell you this. Self-awareness and confidence don’t come naturally.
It requires a lot of work, but the payoff is great. The best way to overcome your insecurity issues is to fully embrace who you are. Aside from making you happier and healthier, self-worth also paves the way for long-lasting and satisfying relationships.
Although you and your partner may get along well, keep in mind that you are both different, independent beings. Your strength and self-confidence will increase if you assert your independence while also showing respect for them. You might wish to talk to an Online Counsellor or a Relationship Counsellor if you discover that you need further assistance conquering the fears you have or the events that led to them.
Deeply rooted issues from the past might be challenging to resolve on your own. In any case, it’s critical to recognize when your relationship issues are being exacerbated by your own concerns. It might also be beneficial to discuss them with your partner.